Evening Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's leading hosts spent their evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday jingle targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he touches."

The focus was the new program which allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for five million. An official website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"One thought for you to wealthy applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.